Things you''ll never hear a southerner say:

    32. "I'll take Shakespeare for $1,000, Alex"

    31. Duct tape won't fix that.

    30. Lisa Marie sure was lucky to catch Michael.

    29. We don't keep fire arms in the house.

    28. Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmers in this house?

    27. You can't feed that to the dog!

    26. I thought Graceland was tacky.

    25. No kids in the back of the pick up, it's unsafe.

    24. Wrasslin's fake

    23. We're vegetarians

    22. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

    21. Do you think my hair is too big?

    20. I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

    19. Who's Richard Petty?

    18. Deer heads detract from the decor

    17. Spitting is such a nasty habit

    **16. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-mart today.

    15. Trim the fat off that steak

    14. The tires on that truck are way to big!

    13. I've got it all on floppy disk

    12. Unsweetened tea taste better

    11. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

    10. My fiancee', Paula Jo is registered at Tiffany's

    9. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams!

    8. Checkmate.

    7. She is too old to be wearing that bikini

    6. Does the salad bar have sprouts?

    5. Hey, here's an episode of HEE-HAW that we haven't seen.

    4. I don't have a favorite college team

    3. Be sure and bring my salad dressing on the side

    2. I believe you cooked those greenbeans alittle too long

    1. Those shorts ought to be a little bit longer, Daisy